Finding good housemates can make or break your shared living experience. Most people fixate on the obvious stuff – location, price, whether the bathroom is big enough – and forget that the people you’re living with deserve just as much thought as the property itself.
If you’ve ever avoided the kitchen because someone’s always there, dealt with passive-aggressive group chats, or counted down the days until your lease ends… you’ll know it’s not just about the flat – it’s about the people.
Seasoned house sharers tend to have a few things in common: adaptability, openness, sociability. Most also have at least one horror story. A quick Reddit search will tell you everything you need to know about how bad things can get. That said, people rarely post about the good setups, and for every nightmare situation, there are plenty of positive ones.
The goal isn’t just a place to live. Whilst you can’t control every eventuality, you can find good housemates that you have a genuine connection with – people you can see yourself becoming friends with, or, at the very least, people who share similar values and make you feel comfortable, calm and completely at ease in your shared space.
The good news? A lot of this is predictable if you know what to look for.
The Housemate Compatibility Check
Before we get into specifics, here’s the simple way to think about it. Every good house share comes down to three things:
- Lifestyle match (routines, work / university schedules, social habits)
- Standards match (cleanliness, noise, guests)
- Energy match (communication style, friendliness, overall vibe)
If you can get these roughly aligned, you’re setting yourself up well for a much easier, more enjoyable living situation.
(For those moving into a house share for the very first time, follow my full beginner’s guide here.)
What to Look for When Finding a Good Housemate or Roommate
If you’re searching for a new house share
I’ve always trusted my instincts when it comes to reading people, but if you’re newer to house sharing (or you just prefer a more structured approach) it’s worth defining your non-negotiables before you start viewing places.
Ask yourself what actually matters to you:
- Work/study schedule: do you want similar routines, or does it not bother you?
- Cleanliness standards: does the place feel well looked after?
- Lifestyle habits: do they have a drum kit in their bedroom? (Yes, I’m speaking from experience.)
One of my personal non-negotiables? Absolutely no couples. I know plenty of people who’ve made it work and enjoyed the lower rent, but I’d rather pay a little more than spend every evening negotiating TV rights with a two-person unit.
Work out what yours are early. It’ll save you time, energy, and a lot of second-guessing.
If you’re searching for a new housemate
If you already have a good dynamic going, the goal is to protect it. Before you even post an ad, get aligned as a household:
- What are your shared non-negotiables?
- What kind of dynamic are you trying to maintain?
- What kind of person are you looking for?
- What won’t work?
It’s much easier to filter upfront so everyone’s approaching incoming messages consistently rather than three people having three different conversations with the same person.
Dealbreakers to Decide Early
These are the things that seem small, but cause the biggest issues long-term:
- Couples vs solo renters – completely different dynamic in a shared space
- Remote workers vs office-based – noise and space matter a lot when many of us now work where we live
- Party house vs quiet home – easily where most mismatches happen, particularly in your 20s
- Clean-as-you-go vs weekly clean – small difference, big resentment potential
If you get these wrong, everything else becomes harder.
Questions Worth Asking
Whether you’re interviewing a potential housemate or being interviewed yourself, these questions help you quickly understand the person behind the answers:
- Why are you looking for a new place?
- Have you house shared before? Did you enjoy it?
- What’s your typical work or university schedule?
- What do you do outside of work? Any hobbies?
- What kind of housemate dynamic are you looking for?
- Why are you moving / looking for a new housemate?
- Do you usually give a heads up if someone’s staying over?
- Do you prefer a social house or more independent living?
- Are you familiar with the area? Do you have friends nearby?
- Nights in or nights out?
- Do you have any pets? (Worth knowing before you find a furry friend on your bed)
If you’re moving into an existing house share, don’t skip the practicals:
- How do you split bills and household expenses?
- How are chores handled?
- Do you spend time together as a house?
That last one is more telling than it sounds. The answer will give you a clear picture of the dynamic you’re walking into.
✅ Green Flags in Potential Housemates
Some things are subtle but they say a lot:
- They ask you thoughtful questions (not just answer yours)
- They speak respectfully about past housemates
- They’re clear about their own expectations (cleaning, guests, noise)
- They communicate openly rather than vaguely
- They show awareness of shared living dynamics
- They follow up promptly and thoughtfully after the viewing
Bonus:
- They take their shoes off without being asked
🚩 Housemate Red Flags You Should Never Ignore
On the flip side, trust your instincts if you notice:
- Moaning about previous housemates – everyone has had a difficult living situation at some point, but if their entire history is someone else’s fault, that’s a pattern
- Vagueness about employment or income – not prying, just practical
- Inconsistent answers – if their story keeps shifting, something’s off
- Pressure to decide quickly – a good fit won’t rush you
A Quick Viewing Checklist
Before you say yes, ask yourself:
- Do I feel comfortable talking to them?
- Are our lifestyles and values roughly aligned?
- Do they communicate clearly and openly?
- Do they seem respectful of shared space?
- Can I actually picture living with them day-to-day?
Trust Your Gut
With all of that said, no checklist guarantees the perfect housemate. Finding good housemates is an art not a science. Someone could tick every box on paper and still not feel right. Someone else might surprise you completely.
Just like making a new friend, you can’t engineer chemistry or fake energy, and ignoring your instincts usually comes back to bite.
If you’re not quite sure after a viewing, there’s nothing wrong with suggesting a quick follow-up coffee or video call before committing. The right people won’t mind.
Save this before your next house viewing so you have these questions ready to go.
Get the decision right, and shared living can genuinely be one of the better chapters of your life.
